Merry Christmas

Ho boy oh boy oh boy, It’s Christmas! This means fat white people worldwide get to dress as Santa and answer question like “where’s your reindeer”, “Is this beard real” and “die, you fucking liar! mommy told me Santa isn’t real!”
Rich people get to rejoice in the jolly Christmas spirit while poor people might get a Christmas hat thing from their local Charity organisation. “Just a cookie and a piece of Chocolate? How bout some real food?”
“Sorry, the chicken is for volunteers only, don’t get your dirty poor people smell on it.”
Somewhere in the North Pole, Santa is doing some math… “Just two hundred more years before my bank account has enough compounded interest to make another Christmas. Sit tight, kids”
Little does he know, two hundred years later his sleigh will be shot down by high tech AA defense turrets because of global warfare and the usual. The bright side is, when his sleigh does explode, it becomes the most magnificent display of fireworks ever.
Fireworks, asteroid, exploding earth. It’s over now and people still won’t shut up about the end of he world, Jesus Christ!
Who by the way, probably wasn’t born in the snow. Dunno what all the fuss is aboot.
Speaking of snow, you know what else is cold? The hearts of millions of little pricks who plan to murder their parents because they got a blackberry instead of an iPhone.
Of course, most of them will pass on that idea UNTIL they find out where daddy hides his shotgun.
That will be the same closet where junior finds the skeleton and screams “THIS ISN’T HALLOWEEN!”
Mass shootings are hilarious. Not the shooting and dying itself, but the way people react to it. “1 Like= 1000 hearts”. Seriously,
“Dear victim’s parent. We have accumulated 327,445 likes for this picture of your dead daughter (Which is equal to 327,445,000 hearts!). Attached is proof, along with that picture of your dead daughter we used. Hope this helps you through this tough time. Signed, admins of facebook page xyz.”
Facebook pages should be restricted to sponsors and big corporations only, not 500 pages just copying and pasting what the other posted. Sheesh.
And goddammit chain mail spammers- where’s that murderous dead girl you promised? Where’s my blue iPhone? And where’s that thing where Facebook has better enforced age restrictions?
Merry Christmas everybody.


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