10 human traits you won’t find in aliens

Aliens aren’t as pathetic as humans. Here are 10 human traits you (hopefully) won’t find in aliens.

1. Trials and tribulations
In almost every work of fiction ever, our hero goes through some elaborate test, pushing himself to the limits in order to prove his worthiness to some wise man/ girl/ god/ judgmental prick.
It makes for a great movie, the only problem is that it is really fucking stupid. In a society of advanced technology, a simple scan would already reveal everything there is to know about a person, including traits such as “compassion” or “sacrifice” or whatever the alien conducting the scan is looking for.
Whoever is being assessed would not need to risk their lives just to gain the approval of some self-important asshole, and at the same time a person would not be turned down just because he gave the “wrong answer”.
There is nothing we can do to prove ourselves to aliens. Either they want to talk to us or they don’t.

2. Alien invasion – resources
One of the most basic requirements of technology is sustainability, the use of renewable resources.
If we can figure it out, then why can’t aliens?
Surely a species advanced enough to have long distance space travel would be able to figure out how to recycle their shit while cutting their consumption to a minimum, and thus would not need to invade Iraq for oil.

3. Alien invasion – balance of power
Stop deluding yourself, any alien species that finds us before we find them is advanced enough to completely wipe us out if they really, really wanted to, and no amount of X-com and planetary defense grids and space dog fights is going to change that.
This is the same reason aliens won’t be sneaking around masquerading as human beings. They won’t need to.

4. Alien invasion – recreation
Unlike humans, aliens probably won’t be as prejudiced towards synthetic replacements as human beings. If they wanted to hunt human beings for fun, they would fire up human hunter 2005 (aka. Call of Duty) in their floppy disk and go rampage on the virtual thing without ever harming a single hair on a real person.

5. Religion and rituals
If aliens somehow had gods, their gods would probably be real, unlike human religions. And unlike human gods, they probably won’t demand stupid shit such as worshipping, donation cycles or “celebration of me”, such vanity can only be the creation of human cults.
If there actually were a god, such a god would be perfectly happy to use his super powers to help his aliens in every way possible, unlike human gods who take pride in making human beings suffer as well as not using his super powers because that would somehow prove his existence which he somehow doesn’t want.
While a religious themed ritual is understandable for dramatic effect, it has no place in an advanced civilization where efficiency and enjoyment would be the key – a religious ritual is neither efficient nor fun.
If they do indeed have any rituals, such rituals would probably also coincidentally be the most efficient method go about its action.

6. Taking offense
An advanced species with thousands of years of technological, cultural and medical advancements would be much, much more in control of their emotions than human beings, and simply would not take offense the way human beings do. In fact, they would be so advanced that they would act in a way in which you won’t be able to offend them.
Rest assured that unlike human diplomats, a single insult would not be the cause of an intergalactic war.

7. Humanity
Ah, the pinnacle of every Trek episode seems to be when captain XYZ rants on towards some alien and teaches them a lesson on humanity, “what it means to be human”, the sanctity of life etc. and criticizes the alien’s way of life.
Actual aliens however would have far more “humanity” than human beings, because “humanity” is essential for a functional society, and any society with advanced alien technology has to be functional in order to stay advanced.
Ever wonder how better computers would be if there weren’t any viruses and antiviruses?
Ever wonder how better the world would be without wars or military?
It’s impossible, because the second you dismantle your army some other country invades you for some bullshit reason. Aliens won’t have that problem.
Also, there is a misconception that aliens will look weird and creepy. I however think that if aliens want to make friends, they will look and act as human as possible to us so that we feel comfortable.
Aliens will probably be even better at love than us.

8. Crime
Progressive social policy, all round society centered on keeping each and every one of its members happy, and you get the result of 0 breaches of personal rights. An alien society wouldn’t need protection from insiders. No incentive to harm each other.
Plus, advances in biology would completely remove the possibility of birthing anyone with mental illness, so there won’t be any crazy murderers either.

9. Morality
“This is why aliens won’t talk to us”
Oh really. Aliens aren’t talking to us because of your morality.
Do you honestly think that aliens will in any way be threatened by human “immorality”? It wouldn’t matter to them, they probably have a far better culture than we do.
Also, aliens aren’t judgmental pricks and unlike certain human beings, they won’t decide to nuke us from orbit due to our “immorality”.

10. Pride, arrogance and superiority
Aliens will probably be better than human beings in every way.
They won’t have to go out of their way to show it.
In fact, they won’t even make human beings feel inferior.
We’ll all just be comfortably equal, without prejudice, fear, nor hate.

11. Existence
Aliens are like “god”. Their existence is possible, there has never been any concrete evidence for their existence, and they are ultimately irrelevant to human life until we find concrete evidence of their relevance.


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