Guide for polygamists under the One Child Policy

Congratulations, Mormon Chicoms! You’ve made the peculiar choice of living in a country that allows polygamy, yet has a one child policy. Finally, you’ll be able to spread the doctrine of the great red tablets, and fulfill your childhood dreams of having threesomes every night under the watchful eyes of chairman Joe!

Unfortunately, you want a kid, and you don’t want your other wives to hate the kid. So how would you go about making 1 baby with multiple women? Fear not, The angel me has descended to help you in your time of peril.

Here’s what you do:

First, find the passage in the scriptures that can be interpreted as “DNA tests are evil”. If you are atheist polygamists, convert to a religion first.

Secondly, make sure their cycles are in sync, then knock everyone up in one fell swoop

Thirdly, glue Oculus Rift headsets to their heads, and prevent them from going near anything medical.

Fourthly, delay and expedite the births as much as possible so everyone gives birth in the same day. Do not remove the headsets even when giving birth.

Five, sell your babies to slave traders for tons of money to pay for the oculus rift headsets, and then adopt the best specimen of baby you can find from a distant shelter.

Six, remove the Oculus Rift headsets, and tell your wives that while they were asleep, all their babies merged together to become a big strong super-baby and that they should all be very proud of their combined achievement.

Seven, live happily ever after, and try not to worry about the fate of your slave babies too much – I’m sure they’re fine.


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